Mental illness is not contagious, mental illness is not a choice, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

I recently came across Kim Hix's blog and I really appreciated her open and honest descriptions of her experiences being a parent of a child with a mental health diagnosis. Kim has approached parenting with a great amount of creativity, and I loved reading about the book she has written for her son called "No one is perfect, and you are a great kid". Doesn't that say it all? I am really pleased to have Kim as a guest blogger today. Thanks Kim!

Kim Hix 

I was asked to write a post so kindly by Emma and am more than honored that she asked. When deciding what to write about she suggested what I know, or what I am passionate about, so that was pretty easy. I am passionate about my kids, and especially bringing awareness to Mental Health issues in our children. More specifically to "Stomp Out Stigma" (see our cause on Facebook and join http://www.causes.com/causes/375639) 

I am passionate about this subject because my oldest child, Zack, now 15 was born with and has developed an array of mental/emotional illnesses. To date, he is diagnosed with IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder ) OCD, ADHD, Severe Anxiety and a strep infection brought about TourettesDisorder Spectrum (this is called PANDAS, Pediatric Autoimmune Disorder Associated with Strep), as well as 3 head traumas. 

So, with all of this, needless to say our lives are quite chaotic and uncertain most of the time. However, Zack is quite a loving, HUGE hearted, caring, smart, and talented boy. Life with a child such as mine is "Predictably Unpredictable" as parents who love a child with any kind of disability will know and be able to relate to. I have devoted my life, since his birth, to helping him to become the best person possible. I am also determined to help other families on this same journey realize the are NOT alone, and to help others that do not have intense children as I do, realize that inappropriate, bad behavior does NOT = a bad kid. So many people see only the behavior, usually exhibited when the child is unstable, as a child out of control, manipulative, mean, spoiled or attention seeking. In most cases this is not the true personality of the child. I want people to understand that some kids, as well as adults, simply can not control emotions, responses, reactions or behavior, not because they do not want to, but because their brain simply will not allow it. 

I can obviously go on about this subject for hours but will not do that here. I have started a blog to hopefully share our story with other families that are on the same journey we are, to let them know that their circumstances are NOT unique. Along with my site www.youareagreatkid.com that offers some resources as well as the childrens book I wrote for and about Zack to help other kids like him who feel different.  If we, as a society, talk more about this then the stigma will eventually fade. If you would like to read our story please follow our blog here:http://goodboyroy.wordpress.com/our-story-the-journey/ from the Goodboyroy.com site. And if you want to know what is GoodBoyRoy.com, well....you can find out about that too. 

Remember, you, as the parent, are your childs BEST advocate. The more you know, the better equiped you will be to help them and help others understand. I will leave you with this, our motto: Mental Illness is Not contagious, Mental Illness is NOT a choice, Knowledge is Power.

A Maze Inside a Minefield: Relationships and BPD

Since I first started reading Sandy's blog I have not been able to bring myself away. She has a way with words, a way with sharing the nitty gritty of life and a way of describing disability. I took this posting from her blog because it is just a fantastic introduction to dealing with a relationship with yourself as well as another. For our partners it is a huge task for them to be both a carer and a partner, and it is hard for them to manage both roles in a way that meets our needs, and their own! Her post 'A Maze Inside a Minefield: Relationships and BPD' is a beautiful view into her life as trying to work her relationship in with a mental illness that seems to run everything and make everything more difficult.

Sandy

Being in a committed relationship can be challenging all on its own. When you throw a mental illness into the mix, overcoming these challenges can seem impossible. Mental illness magnifies the weak points, stretches boundaries, intensifies emotions, and leaves both of us wondering just what the hell went wrong. (My husband calls it a maze inside a minefield.)

I am trying to earn back my husband’s trust after my last suicide attempt. Since then, everything has been different. I often feel like I’m being treated like a mental patient instead of a partner, and my husband thinks he’s just being supportive and trying to give me breaks. I think he may have gotten used to the caretaker role when I was at my sickest, and now neither one of us knows how to get back to that place before it happened.

Neither one of us now knows how to just be with each other anymore. And that’s a problem.

It’s hard for me to separate what is my mental illness and what is not. How do I know when I’m overreacting because of my BPD, or whether my feelings are valid given the situation? What boundaries are appropriate between us? I feel bad that he doesn’t always know what will help me, and sometimes when he tries it backfires. He is supportive and knows a lot about mental illness, but it doesn’t always make things any easier for us.

And just because I have BPD and all that that entails (black and white thinking, intense emotions, fear of attachment) does not mean I cannot have my own expectations when it comes to my relationship. Everything does not have to be blamed on my mental illness, right?

This doesn’t mean I get a free pass to go crazy, either. My husband gets to have expectations of his own, which means I get to keep working hard in recovery and keep my symptoms in check.

Because that’s what you do when you love someone, you strive to be better.

I don’t have all the answers. All we can do is keep working toward having a better relationship. While the challenges won’t go away, it is good to remember that challenges are a normal part of every relationship, whether or not someone has a mental illness. What matters is how you choose to deal with them.

Introducing Guest Blogger - Sandy

I came across the wonderful words of Sandy when I was looking for some inspiration and great experience for this blog. Sandy has her own blog 'A Glass Half Shattered' and the experiences she talks about are like nothing that I have read before. The way that she describes her experiences with Borderline Personality Disorder are really quite extraordinary. I was not aware that one could really portray such emotions and live their experience through words. I promptly invited her to come across to this blog for a special posting, and I think that the readers will not be disapointed. I'd like to introduce you to Sandy and suggest that you go and check out her blog yourself!

I started writing A Glass Half Shattered because I wanted to humanize mental illness and help shatter the stigma that surrounds it. That is why I chose to use my real name and face on my blog, even though my sister and mother don’t always like what I have to say.


Writing is a way to help me cope with having borderline personality disorder (BPD). Putting my thoughts down in my blog helps keep them from getting lost inside my head. When I am anxious or my mind is racing, writing always helps to calm me down. I believe everyone needs a positive outlet when it comes to managing this disorder. Writing definitely helps to keep me away from the negative ones.

I was diagnosed with BPD this year, following years of misdiagnosis and repeated hospitalizations for depression and suicide attempts. I spent years self-harming, self-medicating with alcohol and drugs, and trapped in the cycles of anorexia and bulimia. I often dissociated and was disconnected from my feelings. I would rather feel nothing than deal with the traumas from my past. Unfortunately, that meant I was shut off from the good feelings as well.


I had no stable sense of identity, which left me empty inside. Since I had no idea who I was, other people became my mirror on how to be. My relationships were often co-dependent, as I feared abandonment and being alone.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), a new treatment for BPD developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, has changed all that. DBT helps me learn to tolerate distress, regulate my emotions, and have healthier interactions with other people. So far, it’s working. The urges to self-sabotage through drinking, self-harm, and eating disorders have lessened and been replaced with skills to help me manage my life.

I am now a wife and mother and have a stable marriage and career as a paralegal. While I still have days where I dissociate and want nothing to do with myself, things are getting better. I believe recovery is a process, not a place. I am slowly re-connecting to my feelings and myself, which is helping me better connect to my family. Attachment, which has always been hard for me, is a risk I am starting to take. I am also starting to form my own identity and am becoming more assertive in expressing my true self.

I believe that a BPD diagnosis does not have to ruin your life. Sure there are the Glen-Close-in-Fatal-Attraction stereotypes, the Girl, Interrupted craze, and doctors who throw up their hands at hearing the word “borderline.” But we can overcome these stigmas by telling the truth about what it is really like to have BPD. I believe all of us have a story about what it is like to develop, live with, and recover from mental illness, and those stories need to be told. It is the only way to shatter the stigma often associated with these illnesses, and it just may help inspire some people along the way.